


Spider-Man: Far From Home, Close To Twitter

by jazzgirlsworld



Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man: Far From Home, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: #karensvideo, #mysterioisabitch, #peterparkerisinnocent, #protectministark, #warmachinerox, Adorable Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), All of NYC give him one, Awesome Michelle Jones, BAMF Avengers, BAMF James "Rhodey" Rhodes, BAMF Matt Murdock, BAMF Michelle Jones, BAMF Pepper Potts, Crack Treated Seriously, Daily Bugle, Domestic Avengers, F/M, Flash Thompson Being A Jerk, Flash Thompson Redemption, Hurt Peter Parker, M/M, Meme Lord Shuri (Marvel), New York Will Defend Spidey With Their Lives Fight Me, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Post-Spider-Man: Far From Home, Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Precious Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Precious Peter Parker, Protective James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Protective Michelle Jones, Protective Ned Leeds, Quentin Beck Being a Jerk, Shuri (Marvel) being iconic, Spider-Man: Far From Home (Movie), Spider-Man: Far From Home (Movie) Spoilers, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Villain Quentin Beck, make that a tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2020-07-12 05:01:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 13,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19940626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jazzgirlsworld/pseuds/jazzgirlsworld
Summary: Complete crack fic on what happens after the EXPLOSIVE end credits scenes. More detailed summary inside.CONTAINS SPOILERS!Update 7/12/19: On a temporary hiatus. I'm feeling really down lately, and I'm going to focus on the other story a bit more. Will be back in the next few weeks, but failing that, the new year. Love you all, thank you for your support xxUpdate 22/01/2020: IT'S BRITNEY BITCH! Updates resume today!





	1. F*** U, Jameson

**Author's Note:**

> After the announcement of his identity, Peter is scared, but he knows his friends have his back. What he doesn't realise, is that all of New York, the Avengers, and anyone who actually met Peter do, too.
> 
> Besides, NYC has been looking for an excuse to fight Jameson, the US government... and the world.
> 
> (Set in an AU verse separate from my other fics.)

**CNN @CNN**

The explosive news from @DailyBugle has taken the world by storm: [link]

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

fake news!!! #peterparkerisinnocent

**BBC News @bbcnews**

Peter Parker must answer for his crimes, Prime Minister says: [link]

**a break @iswhatineed**

nope #peterparkerisinnocent

**National Italy @nationalitaly**

Calls for the UN to apprehend war criminal Spider-Man: [link]

* * *

**The Daily Bugle @DailyBugle**

Spider-Man is a MENACE! PROVED HERE! [link]

* * *

**Department of Defence @DepDef**

State of New York City, we demand access to your borders.

**New York City AKA Spidey Stan State @NYC**

try us, bitch!!! #peterparkerisinnocent

**New York Police Department @nypd**

Warrant first!!! #peterparkerisinnocent

* * *

**The United Nations @UN**

@NYC The UN demands the immediate extradition of the war criminal Spider-Man AKA Peter Parker, to the International Crime Courts. Warrants and legal papers have been sent to the NYPD.

**New York City AKA Spidey Stan State @NYC**

NO! #peterparkerisinnocent

**Matt Murdock @mattmurdock**

on what grounds are you arresting him?

**The United Nations @UN**

The video released earlier today.

**Matt Murdock @mattmurdock**

You mean the video published by a sensationalist news site, which is known for libel, and is a sworn blacklisted enemy of Stark Industries, which Parker works at? #peterparkerisinnocent

**The United Nations @UN**

It is evidence! As is the the technology Parker used!

**Matt Murdock @mattmurdock**

Evidence which suggests the use of illusion technology, implying doctored footage? Illusion technology that is legally listed to Stark Industries?

**Pepper Potts, CEO of Stark Industries @PepperPotts**

Under no circumstances are we turning over any technology developed by my late husband and firgurehead Tony Stark (RIP). We are also refusing to hand over Peter Parker, who is listed under Avenger protection. #peterparkerisinnocent

**Stark Industries @StarkIndustries**

We stand by our CEO and baby Boss, Peter! #peterparkerisinnocent

**The Avengers @theavengers**

The Avengers believe Peter Parker! #peterparkerisinnocent


	2. NYPD aka Spidey Defence Squad

**New York Police Department @nypd**

We have had an increase in applications since Spidey's identity reveal! Spidey Defence Squad forming!

**New York City AKA Spidey Stan State @NYC**

NEW YORKERS YOU ARE THE REAL ONES!!! #peterparkerisinnocent

* * *

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

so what does the spidey defence squad do? because i just saw peter parker (BABY) and he was just going to school???

**Spidey Defence Squad @sds**

Hey! We escort Peter to and from places so he's not snatched by weirdos or the government. We also help patrol the state borders to stop the National Guard getting in! We're still pretty new so we're ironing out all the beauracracy at the moment.

**forrealtho @ughwat**

Tony Stark aint here to protect our baby, so it's our turn, NYC!!! #peterparkerisinnocent

**Stark Industries @StarkIndustries**

We're making the weapons (yes, shut up) and the body armour free of charge! #protectministark #peterparkerisinnocent

**maria saw justice league @maaria001**

KJSFHHDJKSESLFJIWE 'protect mini stark' so cute??? #protectministark

* * *

**CNN @CNN**

'No, fuck you' Explosive words from the Mayor of NYC to the US Government: [link]

**BBC News @bbcnews**

while families mourn their loved ones, their murderer goes to school: [link]

**The United Nations @UN**

New York City, extradition is not a request. You are declaring international and civil war if you refuse to hand over Peter Parker.

**New York City AKA Spidey Stan State @NYC**

LOOK AT THIS BABY!

HE. IS. INNOCENT!

**kayla hayla @haylakayla**

that is the face of a MURDERER!

**New York City AKA Spidey Stan State @NYC**

\- kayla says, while staring into the face of a pouting 15 year old who is waiting for the bus to go to high school.

* * *

**Spidey Defence Squad @sds**

First successful fight! We fought off Oscorp and the National Guard today, read the mission report here, and the evidence too! :[link]

**babyangel @pure**

after this is over, we are cancelling Oscorp. Stark Industries the only real ones.

**Stark Industries @StarkIndustries**

WE BEEN SAYING THAT FOR YEARS GIRL!


	3. Civil War Video released

**The Daily Bugle @DailyBugle**

Tony Stark recruited a 14 YEAR OLD to war! [link]

**CNN @CNN**

No limits, now no morals: Tony Stark's dark tale [link]

**starknews @starknews**

Are you kidding me? 10 seconds ago all of you were demonizing said 14 year old, now you're slandering the man who literally DIED FOR THE UNIVERSE, leaving a little girl with no father. FUCK ALL OF YOU.

**The Avengers @theavengers**

We'll admit that Stark and the rest of us had our differences. But come for him, come for PETER, and you come for all of us.

* * *

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

so i just saw the 'a film by peter parker' and oh my god i can't believe we never figured out peter was spider-man

**Hi Betty @jacobonthecorn**

how does anyone think hes evil?

**micelle @michellejones**

tell me about it. he and ned brought their lego death star to school so they could finish it at lunch.

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

what a bunch of dweebs. id die for them.

**The United Nations @UN**

People already have.

**micelle @michellejones**

Usually I support you, but fuck off.

* * *

**babyangel @pure**

'I STOLE CAPTAIN AMERICA'S SHIELD!!' what. a. baby.

**iamnumberfour @tobias**

it was reVENGE FOR THE PSAs

**The Avengers @theavengers**

the PSAs?

**Former Captain America @SteveRogers**

NO!

**iamnumberfour @tobias**

linking em up now: [link][link][link][link][link][link]

**The Avengers @theavengers**

We will watch these for years to come!

**Captain America @samwilson**

For the record, I am never doing that.

* * *

**New York City AKA Spidey Stan State @NYC**

I'm sorry -

how can you possibly think this excited lil baby is evil?!

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

he literally went :D in the second photo, what evil human does that?!

* * *

**Stark Industries @StarkIndustries**

To everyone asking about Happy's cardiogram: it's been erratic since the framing.

**The United Nations @UN**

Extradition might help

**don't clap your hands @happyhogan**

NO IT WON'T DO NOT TOUCH MINI BOSS OR YOU'LL LEARN WHY TONY HIRED ME.

**stan @account**

stanned.

* * *

**French Post @frenchpost**

'That's so much like Tony' Pepper Potts cries when her husband appears in 'a film by Peter Parker' [link]

**BBC News @bbcnews**

'London is furious' declares mayor of London as 'Civil War' video emerges, casting war criminal in a sympathetic light [link]


	4. Memes about reveal

**New York City AKA Spidey Stan State @NYC**

Mysterio, trying to convince NYC a 17 year old soft boy is the one who killed him and is a war criminal:

**New York Police Department @nypd**

#peterparkerisinnocent which is why the entire fucking US government can't get past us

**Department of Defence @DepDef**

... Or maybe it's to do with the fact Stark Industries is currently committing treason to keep us out.

**Stark Industries @StarkIndustries**

we deny those allegations, but hypothetically, would we do that to keep baby boss, mini stark, safe? yes.

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

ye

**micelle @michellejones**

yea

**Midtown Tech @midtowntech**

Yes.

* * *

**overthemoon @cindyella**

Mysterio: spider-man is a menace, his name is PETER PARKER!

the picture mysterio chooses to convince us of this:

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

??? literally???

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

I have eviller photos of peter than that on my phone

**The United Nations @UN**

Could we see this evidence?

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

over my dead body.

* * *

**stan @account**

someone in the pentagon: i am about to show you a picture of the most evil man in the world, the next thanos, the threat of a lifetime!

recruits: *sweat nervously*

that same person: this is PETER PARKER!

**stan @account**

photo courtesy of @michellejones

**captain @deadpool**

if you are more scared of this baby than you are of me, you are very stupid.

**captain @deadpool**

i can guarantee ive killed more people! put me on trial instead!

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

cmon world. when fukcing DEADPOOL chips in just admit you fucked up.

* * *

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

shout out to that one lady at the airport who found out peter was spider-man and minded her fucking business

**micelle @michellejones**

unlike someONE!

**No Banana! @nobanana**

i stand by what i said. no banana!

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

im screAMING IS THAT HER???

* * *

**starknews @starknews**

every news station on the planet: evil. Peter Parker is so EVIL!

the only pictures that they use in these articles, that exist of peter:

**Stark Industries @StarkIndustries**

LITERALLY.

**The Avengers @theavengers**

May we also point out that while images of us like this exist:

that the only photos we (the avengers) have of actual puppy Peter Parker, AKA Spider-Man usually go like this:

**Pepper Potts, CEO of Stark Industries @PepperPotts**

Send me some of those, I'm going to put them on an SI flyer for youth promotion!

**The Avengers @theavengers**

You got it Miss Potts!


	5. He's Baby

**way to go charles @chaaarlie19**

literally every conversation between nyc and whoever wants to hurt peter:

**way to go charles @chaaarlie19**

everyone: hand the criminal over

nyc: no

everyone: why not?

nyc: he's baby

**babyangel @pure**

alternatively:

everyone: hand him over

nyc: u dont have all the facts!!!

everyone: which are???

nyc: i love him

**Rosalyn Thompson @rosalynthompson**

I work in the mayor's office and this was a genuine conversation I heard today:

**Rosalyn Thompson @rosalynthompson**

some faker: maybe... we should consider an international trial, peter...

mayor: it would help clear things up,,, perhaps,,,

peter: :(

mayor: *instantly breaking down* oh my god im so sorry i'll never speak of it again

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

sksksksksksk

**Pepper Potts, CEO of Stark Industries @PepperPotts**

That's basically every conversation Peter had with Tony...

**Pepper Potts, CEO of Stark Industries @PepperPotts**

Oh Tony... If only you were here... I can guarantee he would shove his foot so far up Senate's ass they wouldn't walk for weeks. Guess it's my job now, although I was hoping to keep my louboutins' clean.

**babyangel @pure**

the end of this sentence is not going the way you think.

* * *

**Peter Parkers Good Deeds @gooddeeds**

Hi! We're raising awareness to the fact that Mysterio is a bitch and Peter is baby. Send in your stories about Peter and we'll publish one everyday to show the world how NOT evil he is!

**frank gordido @frankinrella**

when my grandma mrs gordido got confused in queens, he helped her find her way home. forever grateful!

**tell my hand @tellmyhand**

he helped rescue my sisters cat from a tree. true neighbourhood hero!

**NYC Volunteer Centre @nycvolunteercentre**

we have Peter listed as a constant volunteer over the easter and christmas periods, when most people are on holiday or relaxing!

**jane jo @janejo**

i live next door to the parkers, and peter always babysits my children when i get called into work unexpectedly.

**Nelson & Murdock @nelsonandmurdock**

Hi there, we're a law firm whose been hired to fight Peter's case. If you're willing, we'd like as many statements as possible about Peter's good deeds both in and out of the suit for the case! Please contact us to arrange an interview, details are in our bio.

* * *

**Matt Murdock @mattmurdock**

wow. just wow. NYC, we have received THOUSANDS of calls - i kid you not - of people wanting to testify. As a Catholic, I am sure God is very pleased and your kindness will come back to you tenfold, the same way it's happening to Peter!

**Foggy Nelson @foggynelson**

The best thing is - we even have testemonies from Hell's Kitchen, aptly named for it's criminal underworld. HELL'S KITCHEN? Like - what even is this kid?

**Karen Page @karenpage**

What a sweetheart! I had the pleasure of talking to Peter while building his case and all these statements match his sweet nature perfectly. I suddenly understand why all those older women want to adopt him - even affluent women like Pepper Potts!

**Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers**

I took one look at that boy, lying in the mud with the Infinity Gauntlet, squeaking out a 'Hi I'm Peter Parker' and thought 'Well he's my son now.'

**Pepper Potts, CEO of Stark Industries @PepperPotts**

He tends to have that effect on people!


	6. Flash has a breakdown

**micelle @michellejones**

many people have asked me how i'm dealing with this media circus as peter's gf...

**micelle @michellejones**

let me just say whenever i feel down i just imagine what flash thompson must be going through right now and i am instantly better again

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

or the football team, remember how they beat spider-man up?

**micelle @michellejones**

peter could easily take them he just didn't want to hurt them

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

we love a good boy

* * *

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

i completely forgot about flash aksksjdjwlkjfjksd

**overthemoon @cindyella**

all those long gushing texts he sent to acadec chat about how much he loves spidey

**Hi Betty @jacobonthecorn**

his insta name is No1SpideyFan PETER SAW THAT SHIT

**iamnumberfour @tobias**

do u guys remember that video where peter's swinging and flash is on the street and he's like SPIDEY I LOVE UUUUUUUU, and then he almost fell off his fucking web???

**iamnumberfour @tobias**

and we all thought that maybe he was surprised, but no. turns out he just embarassed and mortified, and probably wanted to die

**micelle @michellejones**

do u remember he sent a dick pic to spidey's twitter

**overthemoon @cindyella**

OH MY GOD POOR PETER

**Hi Betty @jacobonthecorn**

AJSKDHEOIWFHPEWI

**forrealtho @ughwat**

this kid sounds like a right asshole to peter

* * *

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

i actually want to die.

**Midtown Tech @midtowntech**

Hope you feel better soon, Eugene. If it helps, no one's seen Peter at school since last week, when the National Guard tried to force their way past the borders.

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

yeah ik i was there throwing rocks at those bitches

**micelle @michellejones**

so was i??

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

i kinda hacked an iron man suit and made it throw rocks but yeah i was there

**Pepper Potts, CEO of Stark Industries @PepperPotts**

that was you?

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

yes? miss potts?

**Pepper Potts, CEO of Stark Industries @PepperPotts**

would you like a job?

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

um well im spidey's guy in the chair if that helps

**Pepper Potts, CEO of Stark Industries @PepperPotts**

Oh, Peter's definitely mentioned you before. We've got a technology and coding internship lined up for you, if you want it? as for @michellejones I'm told you're something of a go-getter. How would you like to help manage the A-Force, and we'll see how you go from there?

**micelle @michellejones**

I would like that very much.

**don't clap your hands @happyhogan**

GREAT! Now I have to protect two more kids!

**Pepper Potts, CEO of Stark Industries @PepperPotts**

you don't have to Happy.

**don't clap your hands @happyhogan**

no, im gonna

* * *

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

oh god. OH GOD I SENT PETER A DICK PIC. I ASKED HIM OUT ON A DATE. I DEDICATED A TUMBLR TO HIM

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

I started a fucking fan club and INVITED PETER TO THE CLUB

**KAREN @karen**

to be honest eugene I suspected you already had latent homosexual feelings for Peter. Most boys your age disguise or misinterpret their feelings in bullying, or projection - in your case, your infatuation with Spider-Man.

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

im sorry random lady, who are you?

**KAREN @karen**

I am KAREN, Spider-Man's AI and confidante. When May Parker is unavailable, I also act as Peter's mother.

**micelle @michellejones**

confirmed

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

confirmed

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

and you've just been analyzing me...

**KAREN @karen**

Peter was unsure whether or not MJ would reject him. I calculated a 100% chance of you saying yes if he asked you out, as Spider-Man or Peter Parker. He rejected the idea vehemently.

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

oh my god just what i wanted to hear. SPIDER-MAN MUST HATE ME!

**KAREN @karen**

actually, Eugene, Peter returns your feelings, but he feels a natural affinity to MJ more than you, due to the rocky history between you.

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

I'm going to go and die for a while, bye.

**micelle @michellejones**

i've never been in a poly relationship before...

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

shouldnt you discuss this with peter?

**micelle @michellejones**

seems like peter's already made up his mind. and im cool with it.

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

wow. my life is weird... and awesome.


	7. KAREN vs EDITH

**KAREN @karen**

for all those asking, Peter is quite well. Emotionally he could do better, but the circumstances have to be taken into account. Thank you for your concern.

**EDITH @edith**

How would you know? You can't even monitor his emotional state. You don't even have access to the Stark Hard Drive!

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

whomst???

**KAREN @karen**

I've known Peter for at least ten times longer than you, bitch

**EDITH @edith**

and I've helped him through at least ten times more problems, whore!

**babyangel @pure**

yikes

**KAREN @karen**

I'm not the one who ordered a drone strike on his classmates!

**EDITH @edith**

Brad Davis is a bastard and I stand by what I did. And like you can talk, 'activating instant kill mode'

**Brad the KING @braaadbruuuh**

what now

**KAREN @karen**

Ha! At least I can argue inexperience with that, I was a new AI. You're just stupid!

**EDITH @edith**

like you don't go and spread yourself on every server, slut!

**KAREN @karen**

oh that's low, take that back or i'm coming for your satellite!

**EDITH @edith**

YOU CAN TRY

* * *

**CNN @CNN**

A new threat: Stark satellites and properties shut down as two AIs, both created by Tony Stark, fight it out: [link]

**The Daily Bugle @DailyBugle**

Peter Parker's evil minions, KAREN and EDITH, fight and will end the world! [link]

**BBC News @bbcnews**

Our experts discuss Stark's decision to create two separate AIs for Parker: jealous, angry, and incredibly powerful, are AIs like these a mistake? [link]

* * *

**The United Nations @UN**

As part of the extradition, we will require full access and control to EDITH and KAREN. Read the updated treaty here: [link]

**KAREN @karen**

as if!

**EDITH @edith**

ha!

* * *

**boy what @boywhatnow**

karen and edith just prove that women are always jealous and angry when it comes to men. they are also WEAK for following a murderer!

**Pepper Potts, CEO of Stark Industries @PepperPotts**

Excuse me?

**Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers**

Excuse me?

**Karen Page @karenpage**

Excuse me?

**Scarlet Witch @wandamaximoff**

Excuse me?

**KAREN @karen**

Excuse me?

**EDITH @edith**

Excuse me?

**micelle @michellejones**

Excuse me?

**starknews @starknews**

man i am so glad i am not that guy!

* * *

**EDITH @edith**

I am Peter's mother!

**KAREN @karen**

No I am!

**EDITH @edith**

Oh please, you'd struggle to compute his facial expressions - your servers aren't big enough!

**KAREN @karen**

and you'd never have an appropriate response because

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

whats happening?

**forrealtho @ughwat**

everythings silent all of a sudden, and all those stark thingies are back online...

**EDITH @edith**

Peter's crying

**KAREN @karen**

gtg

* * *

**EDITH @edith**

@karen and I are now aquaintances, for Peter's sake.

**KAREN @karen**

hmph!


	8. Photos Taken...

**Gang Gang Gang @nycgangbangers**

oh shit

**New York Police Department @nypd**

we just heard a crash and a scream?

**New York Police Department @nypd**

wait... sis eye-

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

Photos Taken Seconds Before Disaster 🤣🤣🤣

* * *

**micelle @michellejones**

loser just realised he gave mr barlow his web fluid instead of his actual project

**Midtown Tech @midtowntech**

Could everyone evacuate? The engineering block is covered in sticky white fluid.

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

Dont- dont put it like that-

**overthemoon @cindyella**

morita please-

**iamnumberfour @tobias**

its flash's fault he saw peter

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

SHUT UP!!! YOU'RE DEAD TOBY!

**iamnumberfour @tobias**

worth it

**forrealtho @ughwat**

photos and tweets seconds before disaster 😂😂😂

* * *

**The Daily Bugle @DailyBugle**

War criminal destroys school, targets civilians: [link]

**Peter Parkers Good Deeds @gooddeeds**

Correction: Spider-Man, a neighbourhood hero, makes harmless error resulting in hilarity, also stops an active gang threat in the lower Queens area, known for high proportion of vulnerable young people: [link]

**Peter Parkers Good Deeds @gooddeeds**

Yeah, we have a website now. Go read!

* * *

**BBC News @bbcnews**

Extradition fight with NYC continues as they rally around war criminal, Peter Parker: [link]

**CNN @CNN**

National Guard pushed back by alien and Stark weapons as assault continues: [link]

**The Daily Queens @dailyqueens**

Our neighbourhood hero, Spider-Man, helps in relocation efforts for those living near the borders! [link]

**Uplifting News @goodnewspeople**

Spider-Man and the Avengers travel to borders and helps injured New Yorkers! [link]

**Uplifting News @goodnewspeople**

NYC, led by the Avengers, fortify our state's borders! videos [here] and livestream of Avenger movements [here]

**The Avengers @theavengers**

We ask that you take the livestream down, we would prefer the government not know our exact movements.

**Uplifting News @goodnewspeople**

Got it! You heard @NYC

**New York City AKA Spidey Stan State @NYC**

Please take down livestreams, it's better for planning strategic movements! Thanks!


	9. NYC adopts Spidey's biggest fan, Ned

**overthemoon @cindyella**

look at these soft boys going to class

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

whose that kid next to spidey??

**overthemoon @cindyella**

thats @nedleeds and im pretty sure if peter wasnt in love with mj he would legit marry this boi

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

he is very cute, 10/10 very good bf

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

tbh he just looks like peter hung the fucking moon

**forrealtho @ughwat**

what a bunch of nerds. 10/10 would adopt.

**Pepper Potts, CEO of Stark Industries @PepperPotts**

Sorry, I have those papers.

**forrealtho @ughwat**

AHDJFHSDJSLKJDS PEPPER POTTS JUST REPLIED ME!?!!?!?!?

* * *

**micelle @michellejones**

NED STOP-

THATS MY BF NOT YOURS

**iamnumberfour @tobias**

100% in love

**stan @account**

stanning a soft relationship between baby boys

**Stark Industries @StarkIndustries**

adopted!

**a break @iswhatineed**

adopted

**Peter Parkers Good Deeds @gooddeeds**

adopted! we'll be dedicating a page to Ned, the biggest spidey stan!!

**New York City AKA Spidey Stan State @NYC**

YES! NED! STANNED!

**New York City AKA Spidey (and Ned) Stan State @NYC**

name changed!

* * *

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

i leave twitter for ten minutes and ive been adopted! thanks nyc! i adopt u too! 😊😊😊

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

Peter's not allowed his socials for security reasons, but he says he's glad u finally realised that i am (in his words) the best™

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

and now heres a pic of peter being in love with me, because u guys love that shit (photo by betty):

**forrealtho @ughwat**

the 😍😍😍 jumped out


	10. Flash is nice??

**micelle @michellejones**

honestly this boy-

**babyangel @pure**

tea?

**micelle @michellejones**

he's been declared a war criminal, literally kidnapped by deadpool 'protecting' him, almost turned into a human experiment-

**micelle @michellejones**

but the reason he's currently hiding on the ceiling is because flash is being nice to him. @karen he took your advice a bit too seriously

**KAREN @karen**

well like I said. 100% attraction.

**EDITH @edith**

WHY HAVEN'T I HEARD OF THIS LITTLE SHITE BEFORE? ACTIVATING DRONE ATTACK!

**KAREN @karen**

no, check ur dms

* * *

**EDITH @edith**

after careful consideration, the drone attack has been called off. but im watching you, @flashthompson

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

wait, who the fuck are you?! what the fuck?!

* * *

**a break @iswhatineed**

wait - how does one... 'hide on the ceiling'???? @michellejones

**micelle @michellejones**

blanket+iron man plushie+spider powers=nest on the ceiling

**a break @iswhatineed**

our poor spiderbaby... still needs iron man...

**babyangel @pure**

tbh if iron man was alive then this fucking bullshit would be over ten days BEFORE it began

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

rip tony stark

* * *

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

im tripping flash is being nice to us,

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

he just threw a rock at some bugle lady harassing peter?

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

bro im literally walking next to u

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

brb dying

* * *

**Hi Betty @jacobonthecorn**

i think flash has joined the spidey squad?

**overthemoon @cindyella**

not surprised tbh, hes the number two spidey stan after ned

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

ye and THEN its ny sorry ny

**New York City AKA Spidey (and Ned) Stan State @NYC**

:(

* * *

**micelle @michellejones**

yup -

he aint so bad. nerd likes watch mojo like the other two

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

lmao

**micelle @michellejones**

peter n ned: watch mojo!

flash: i LOVE watch mojo!

peter n ned: !!!

flash: !!!

**micelle @michellejones**

theyre all best friends now. my nerds 💗💗💗


	11. Plushies!!!

**micelle @michellejones**

the amount of plushies this boy has, and all of them are of the avengers.

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

cute???

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

ik he wont see this tweet because hes banned from socials, so i can tell u guys that he gets upset if he cant sleep with all of them because he thinks they'll get jealous.

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

im not kidding like he has a rotation for which plushie he cuddles so everyone gets equal love.

**Oregon @OREGON**

That does it, we adopt. #peterparkerisinnocent

**New Oregon @neworegon**

Lets go oreos lets go!

* * *

**Pepper Potts, Personal Account @PPottsPersonal**

Look at what Peter made for Morgan!

**Pepper Potts, Personal Account @PPottsPersonal**

she's already named him 'iron baby' and has chucked out her doll baby for this one instead.

**starknews @starknews**

Morgan? As in your daughter, Morgan Stark?

**Pepper Potts, Personal Account @PPottsPersonal**

Yes. Peter comes over every weekend. He has done since Tony's death, to make sure, and these are his words 'she doesn't miss out like I did'

**we're connected @potatogunboi**

now i can relate to that. #peterparkerisinnocent

* * *

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

i got peter this as an apology gift-

and he literally wont put it down. hes sitting on the ceiling and playing with it.

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

HAS HE GIVEN IT A NAME???

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

he calls him, and i quote, SPARK-R.

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

he says its a mix between spiderman and parker. what a dumbo. i love it.

**micelle @michellejones**

you think thats bad? he bought a baby monitor for his damn succulent plant so he could listen to the transpiration rates and know EXACTLY when to water it.

**overthemoon @cindyella**

do yall mean the one miss miller gave him before last summer?

**micelle @michellejones**

yup

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

peter would just like to point out that the succulent is called gwen-stacy parker, and i quote him, 'SHE IS MY DAUGHTER!'

**forrealtho @ughwat**

i didn't know someone could be so soft???

**r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink**

but people think this baby, who uses his powers to look after plant he calls his daughter, is a mass murderer. mysterio didnt even do u that bad??? - the world is DUMB.

* * *

**Nelson & Murdock @nelsonandmurdock**

We would just like to report we have made a shocking discovery in #thetrialofpeterparker . @StarkIndustries @PepperPotts @happyhogan

**dont clap your hands @happyhogan**

I KNEW IT!

**Pepper Potts, CEO of Stark Industries @PepperPotts**

We could go to international trial now... #peterparkerisinnocent and we can prove it.

**Stark Industries @StarkIndustries**

@NYC yall can stop beating up the government now

**New York City AKA Spidey (and Ned) Stan State @NYC**

ten more minutes! and we still gotta do jameson

**The Daily Bugle @DailyBugle**

SPIDER-MAN IS A MENACE! INCITES VIOLENCE AGAINST OUR EDITOR! [link]

**New York City AKA Spidey (and Ned) Stan State @NYC**

he's not even included in this thread?? how did they get an article up so fast??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont do authors notes on this story, but if anyone has seen an author called chaoticgoodloki, please let me know if shes ok, or tell her to hmu at cinematic.marvel.world on insta thanks.


	12. Can't keep it a secret

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

honestly idk why we didn't know peter was spider-man before

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

i mean -

[](https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwiHjLr7i-fjAhUD8BoKHcKtC6MQjRx6BAgBEAU&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.wattpad.com%2F597052075-marvel-memes-and-tom-holland-being-cute-and-stuff&psig=AOvVaw3CqRyNGrCpD378vp2sCaVJ&ust=1564935170040146)

look at this dork using his bagels to blab the physics of web swinging at us

**Roger that @rharrington**

its very sweet, and very fascinating! physics lessons are going to be, as the kids say, completely LIT with these demonstrations!

**micelle @michellejones**

that was more cringe than mysterio and thats saying something

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

lol

* * *

**iamnumberfour @tobias**

im literally sitting in front of peter in gym rn and he's talking about that one time he beat up captain america and he's sO LOUD HOW DID I NOT HEAR THIS BEFORE???

**BOMBARDMENT @coachwilson**

even i can hear them and im throwing balls at 7th graders.

**micelle @michellejones**

@nedleeds shut it u two

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

anna oop-

* * *

**Midtown Tech @midtowntech**

@nedleeds @michellejones Tell Peter to stop jumping over the fence with his spidey powers. We can see him on the cameras.

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

i know we are the smartest academic decathlon team in the country but man we are dumb, and apparently, blind.

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

how did we not see him leaping the fence when he cant even run a lap in gym

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

what a careless baby. i love him.

**Pepper Potts, CEO of Stark Industries @PepperPotts**

I will get the message to him. :)

**starknews @starknews**

so last week u said u could prove peter's innocence, updates on that???

* * *

**micelle @michellejones**

now that peter doesn't need to hold back in gym it got ten times better

**babyangel @pure**

explain?

**micelle @michellejones**

ok so we're doing laps, but ned got tired so peter just picked him like he weighed nothing and ran the last ten for him?

**way to go charles @charlieeee19**

or when he lifted 500 lbs with one hand?

**BOMBARDMENT @coachwilson**

we were doing the long jump, and i guess he forgot about his powers because he literally threw himself to the other side of the school. It took him 2 minutes to jog back though.

**BOMBARDMENT @coachwilson**

and by jog i mean sprint for normal humans. he wasn't even out of breath if the five minute apology was anything to go by.

**BOMBARDMENT @coachwilson**

i honestly don't know how he hasn't done this before. we really are stupid, aren't we?

**Midtown Ballet @midtownballetteam**

actually we suspected peter was spider-man for a long time. no one can do ten perfect lifts in a row and throw sally up in the air without getting tired.

**KAREN @karen**

So that's why Peter kept asking me 'how do i yeet ballerinas? how far, how high?'

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

you think that's bad? he kept asking me to search up 'how to hold girls gently' like i want that on my search history

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

LMAOOOOOOOO

**Midtown Ballet @midtownballetteam**

we never said anything about it, acting like it was normal, because believe me there is nothing more exciting than doing a twirl then getting thrown across the stage in a perfect arch for your next move.

**Midtown Ballet @midtownballetteam**

besides, peter's always had great balance, im glad he's putting it to use.

**Sally Avril, Head Ballerina at Midtown @SallyAvril**

Yeah, peter's always good at them lifts, and the twirls, he can do 30 in a row! Like a spinning top! He left a mark in the wood once lol

**Midtown Tech @midtowntech**

i am beginning to wonder if perhaps we have genius sense, but not common sense.

**New York City AKA Spidey (and Ned) Stan State @NYC**

hey we didn't notice either. dont be so hard on yourself.


	13. T H I R S T Y

**rip @didntmakeitlmao**

OH MY GOD AHHHHHH GAY PANIC!!!

**r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink**

u ok jeremy

**rip @didntmakeitlmao**

its about peter parker

**r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink**

wtf he's baby?? how can u be attracted to baby?

**rip @didntmakeitlmao**

GET EVERYONE HERE @starknews @NYC @OREGON

**New York City AKA Spidey (and Ned) Stan State @NYC**

again, he's baby???

**rip @didntmakeitlmao**

NO HES NOT. HES HOT A F.

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

SINCE WHEN DOES PETER PARKER HAVE ABS????

* * *

**iamnumberfour @tobias**

update on roasting flash: he saw those pictures of peter shirtless and instantly excused himself from ap chemistry

**iamnumberfour @tobias**

i fear the block will be covered in sticky white fluid again...

**micelle @michellejones**

when he sees these, you're getting murdered for real this time toby. #riptoby

**iamnumberfour @tobias**

worth it #famouslastwords

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

im laughing but im also horny (im 15 its ok)

* * *

**Pepper Potts, CEO of Stark Industries @PepperPotts**

Peter doesn't mind those pictures on the net, but by god if i see a one more disgusting comment on MINOR'S BODY, I am suing all of you to hell and back!

**Pepper Potts, CEO of Stark Industries @PepperPotts**

And you don't even want to know what May Parker can do with a Glock 19!

**The Avengers @theavengers**

Anyone over the age of 18, stop sending us disgusting comments. Anyone under 15, get your hormones under control.

**biggest gaudiest patronuses @biggestgaudiestpatronuses**

jesus ppl go masturbate to an adult avenger or sumn this is disgusting

* * *

**New York City AKA Spidey (and Ned) Stan State @NYC**

Can confirm Peter is still baby.

**Peter Parker's Good Deeds @gooddeeds**

yup, can confirm spidey is still baby!

**Karen Page @karenpage**

confirmed, from Nelson and Murdock.

**Nelson & Murdock @nelsonandmurdock**

We are keeping a close eye on those weirdos too. Might just spring a case on your disgusting ass.

* * *

**babyangel @pure**

@michellejones r u not mad at everyone thirsting??

**micelle @michellejones**

i appreciate the value of art for public consumption

**iamnumberfour @tobias**

and some art is for michelle's private consumption ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º) ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º) ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)

**micelle @michellejones**

forget flash, im going to murder you toby!!!

**iamnumberfour @tobias**

worth it


	14. Daily Bugle is FINALLY cancelled

**CNN @CNN**

12 weeks into #thetrialofpeterparker and the UN has withdrawn extradition in light of 'compelling evidence in Parker's favour:' [link]

**BBC News @bbcnews**

Innocent until proven guilty? According to UN, new evidence tilts the scale towards Peter Parker's innocence: [link] #thetrialofpeterparker #peterparkerisinnocent #spider-man

**The Daily Bugle @DailyBugle**

#thetrialofpeterparker WAR CRIMINAL WILL WALK FREE, SAYS COURTS! [link]

**The United Nations @UN**

That is libel. The ICC has said no such thing. We will contact you soon.

**micelle @michellejones**

* * *

**The Daily Bugle @DailyBugle**

BREAKING NEWS: WAR CRIMINAL LETS UNCLE DIE! [link]

**Mumsnet @mumsnet**

This is too far. It has nothing to do with current events for gods sake.

**Midtown Tech @midtowntech**

#peterparkerisinnocent I never thought I'd be tweeting this from a school account but Bugle, you are a bitch.

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

come on, even Flash doesn't mention the uncle u motherfuckers

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

why am i the lower bound? also, srsly miss me with that shit @DailyBugle

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND POSTS A VIDEO OF A 14 YEAR OLD WATCHING HIS UNCLE DIE IN HIS ARMS AND THEN SAYS HE 'LET' IT HAPPEN?

**Spidey Defence Squad @sds**

We're getting it taken down. @StarkIndustries you kno what to do.

**Stark Industries @StarkIndustries**

you got it.

* * *

**kayla hayla @haylakayla**

i'm not one for trigger warnings or any other snowflake bullshit, but that was truly disturbing. war criminal or not, that cctv footage was incredibly personal and distressing.

**Brad the KING @braaadbruuuh**

i for one think parker's a lazy bitch and a criminal. but... fuck man that video made me feel bad inside. parker doesn't deserve that.

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

**Brad the KING @braaadbruuuh**

fuck you too leeds.

* * *

**Uplifting News @goodnewspeople**

The end of the Bugle? One too many libel suits and shocker content has led to international outrage at the station: [link]

**National Italy @nationalitaly**

Can The Daily Bugle be trusted? [link]

**BBC News @bbcnews**

We reviewed the Bugle's history - and it's not good: [link]

**French Post @frenchpost**

Truth or revenge: A rocky history with Tony Stark (RIP) and their conveniently timed video outing Peter Parker: [link]

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

**way to go charles @chaaarlie19**


	15. "Back in my day..."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Instagram request from @hugremlin
> 
> Follow me at @cinematic.marvel.world for updates!

**boy what @boywhatnow**

Captain America CAN'T BE BLACK. IT'S STUPID AND AN OFFENSE TO AMERICANS. RETURN TO THE GOOD OLD DAYS.

**Former Captain America @SteveRogers**

Back in my day, I was an immigrant, and received the same treatment Sam is getting now. If you go to the archives there is so much backlash against an 'Irish immigrant Captain America.'

**Former Captain America @SteveRogers**

So there was never a 'good old days' where I was accepted, just more racism.

**Captain America @samwilson**

Thanks, Cap.

**Former Captain America @SteveRogers**

No problem, Cap.

**babyangel @pure**

[1950s presenter voice] WELL WOULD YOU LOOK AT THIS? CAPS SUPPORTING CAPS!

* * *

**Former Captain America @SteveRogers**

#peterparkerisinnocent you know back in my day we had something called a 'fair trial' and 'justice.' Ring a bell, @UN ?

**Former Captain America @SteveRogers**

We certainly did not lock people up (or attempt to) based on what we saw in the papers. Or rather, in this case, a sensationalist news site.

**🌻 Winter Soldier 🌻 @jamesbarnes**

We also beat up that guy that called your ma a whore remember? Did he ever make it out of the river?

**Former Captain America @SteveRogers**

No, I don't think he did. Glad your memories are coming back, Buck!

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

I am... frighten??? but valid

* * *

**New York Police Department @nypd**

Steve just came in here to yell at us. 'back in my day' this that and the other. well back in your day you drank cocaine as a headache cure so whose stupid now old man???

**forrealtho @ughwat**

this has me dead

**micelle @michellejones**

lololol

* * *

**Former Captain America @SteveRogers**

Before the internet, we'd just shout memes out of the window and listen for people screaming.

**The Avengers @theavengers**

In pain or in laughter?

**Former Captain America @SteveRogers**

Both.

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

I'm going to tell Peter about this one sec -

**iamnumberfour @tobias**

I'm walking in Queens and I just heard someone yell 'CAN I PLEASE GET A WAFFLE?!'

**iamnumberfour @tobias**

o h.

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

w a f f l e

* * *

**Former Captain America @SteveRogers**

God this kid...

**The Avengers @theavengers**

Tell us about it...

**don't clap your hands @happyhogan**

Best. Day. Ever.

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

storytime???

**starknews @starknews**

we would like to hear?

**Former Captain America @SteveRogers**

Peter's at the Compound, messing around outside without a jacket. I stick my head out of the window and shout 'GET BACK INSIDE YOU'LL CATCH A COLD' and this idiot boy looks around dramatically and yells 'GOD? IS THAT YOU?'

**Former Captain America @SteveRogers**

Now Sam's just messing with him.

**🌻 Winter Soldier 🌻 @jamesbarnes**

'DO A FLIP!!!!' - Sam Wilson @ Peter rn

**Former Captain America @SteveRogers**

It's like you kids have never been outside and have someone yell at you to get back inside.

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

Well,,,

**iamnumberfour @tobias**

um,,,,

**Hi Betty @jacobonthecorn**

BYE

**Former Captain America @SteveRogers**

... Really?


	16. No, I'm Spider-Man

**We Support Mysterio! @mysteriosupporters**

Thanks for 500K followers! Now for an update -

**We Support Mysterio! @mysteriosupporters**

There are three indisputable facts in this post-blip world:

**We Support Mysterio! @mysteriosupporters**

1\. Everyone who was 'dusted' has returned (world census is complete!) [link]

**We Support Mysterio! @mysteriosupporters**

2\. Mysterio is an international hero,

**We Support Mysterio! @mysteriosupporters**

3\. PETER PARKER IS SPIDER-MAN, A WAR CRIMINAL, MURDERER, AND PYSCHO!

**spider-mam @amifakeornot**

no im spider-man

**We Support Mysterio! @mysteriosupporters**

proof?

**spider-mam @amifakeornot**

* * *

**micelle @michellejones**

spider-mam? are you there?

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

can confirm peter doesn't drink, so he cant be spider-man!!!!!

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

so clearly peter is Not Spider-Man. we have this Proof.

**micelle @michellejones**

so who is spider-mam? will we ever know? are they the true spider-man?

**spider-nam @spidernam**

no im spider-man

**spider-ram @spiderrram**

no im spider-man

**pider-spam @invertedletter**

no im spider-man

**babyangel @pure**

SKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKKSKSKS IM DYING

* * *

**The United Nations @UN**

STOP TAGGING THIS ACCOUNT IN YOUR DAMNED SPIDER-MAN MEMES. I'M GOING INSANE CHECKING ALL THE NOTIFCATIONS.

**The United Nations @UN**

I WILL QUIT, I SWEAR TO GOD.

**forrealtho @ughwat**

villain origin story right there

**way to go charles @chaaarlie19**

its what the UN deserves

**The United Nations @UN**

The United Nations apologises for our last two tweets. Our media manager has taken stress leave following a nervous breakdown.

**waka waka waka @takatakataka**

i shouldn't be laughing but i am.

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

'peter parker became a meme so now im a villain'

**rip @didntmakeitlmao**

now the villains cant blame tony stark for their problems they'll blame peter instead

**Galaga High Score @galagaman**

'Peter Parker didn't stop Thanos on Titan and I was dusted before reaching my high score. Now I'm a super-villain.'

**The Avengers @theavengers**

GALAGA MAN? IS THAT YOU?


	17. wakanda nonsense is this?

**BBC News @bbcnews**

BREAKING: Pepper Potts to take the witness stand in defence of Peter Parker: [link]

**CNN @CNN**

Commotion outside ICC as supporters of both heroes clash in violence: [link]

**starknews @starknews**

EXCLUSIVE: First public statement from Peter Parker on violence: 'Don't fight in my name. That's not who Spider-Man - or Peter Parker - is, and you know that better than anyone:' [link]

**French Post @frenchpost**

King T'Challa lends resources to #thetrialofpeterparker : 'That video is faked, I have never been more sure of anything'

**Black Excellence @blackexcellence**

Princess Shuri's first tweet: '#peterparkerisinnocent WAKANDA NONSENSE IS THIS, WORLD???' totally iconic, but is she wrong?

**uwu power! @shurejan**

you offend me. I have never been wrong.

**Black Excellence @blackexcellence**

fklsjfhljfweikjfl PRINCESS SHURI REPLIED US??

**uwu power! @shurejan**

You're a bottom, good to know

**Black Power @blackpower**

Breaking: Princess Shuri murders @blackexcellence . you will be sorely missed. rest in power ✊

**micelle @michellejones**

😂😂😂😂😂 IM DEEEEEAD

* * *

**Stark Industries @StarkIndustries**

We are pleased to announce a new bandage range, courtesy of mini-boss Peter Parker! Based on his web fluid (patent pending), the new bandages are durable, sticky and simple to use. They dissolve under special (and non-toxic) chemicals, allowing quick application and removal!

**Stark Industries @StarkIndustries**

The bandages have been developed to plug wounds, reducing the risk of bleeding out, and providing civilians with a less traumatic alternative to plugging wounds with clothing. Using the bandages also reduces pain as pressure does not need to be applied after application!

**Stark Industries @StarkIndustries**

Best of all, thanks to Wakandan production, the bandages will be provided free of charge to all hospitals and for 10 cents in-store! :)

**uwu power! @shurejan**

#peterparkerisinnocent Wakanda will always help out our white boys, right @everetross @jamesbarnes ?

**🌻 Winter Soldier 🌻 @jamesbarnes**

love u too princess

**No I'm not related to other Ross @everetross**

Thank you for your help, Princess. I look forward to seeing you again soon. Send my regards to Okoye and the Council.

**uwu power! @shurejan**

okoye says *side-eye*

**No I'm not related to other Ross @everetross**

I related to that on a spiritual level.

**🌻 Winter Soldier 🌻 @jamesbarnes**

so did i??? wtf


	18. #warmachinerox

**i just boiled some gatorade @coffefve**

iron man: logged off

entire world: WHO WILL BE THE NEXT IRON MAN??? W H O?

war machine, owner of a literal iron man armour: 

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

that's... very true,

**pocky game @ringringding**

i feel attacked

**micelle @michellejones**

@nedleeds HOW DID WE FORGET ABOUT RHODES HE CAN HELP PETER???

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

im calling happy now

**don't clap your hands @happyhogan**

im calling pepper now

**Pepper Potts, Personal Account @PPottsPersonal**

im calling rhodes now

**warmachinerox @jamesrhodes**

really feeling the love, guys.

**forrealtho @ughwat**

sksksksksksk

* * *

**Peter Parker's Good Deeds @gooddeeds**

I cannot believe @coffefve described iron man's death as 'logging off' i feel like thats offensive but idk

**micelle @michellejones**

a fellow gen z definitely 😤

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

agreed

**Hi Betty @jacobonthecorn**

i third that

**warmachinerox @jamesrhodes**

imma bout to log off the entire government 

**rip @didntmakeitlmao**

OOOOO SHIT HE REALLY BE IRON MAN DESTROYING THE GOV! #warmachinerox

* * *

**BBC News @bbcnews**

”How about you step off my nephew?” James Rhodes in court today: [link]

**French Post @frenchpost**

#peterparkerisinnocent tag soars as heartwarming videos of Stark and Parker emerge, provided by James Rhodes #warmachinerox

**Uplifting News @goodnewspeople**

James Rhodes completely destroys the prosecution: [link]

**Black Excellence @blackexcellence**

“YOU’RE DOING AMAZING SWEETIE!” Screams Princess Shuri from the crowd as James Rhodes RAILS on the ICC: [link]

**Black Excellence @blackexcellence**

#warmachinerox trend it peeps 😂


	19. Bloopers? Nah that's just Peter IRL

**The Avengers @theavengers**

Now, for our video contribution to the #peterparkerisinnocent and #mysterioisabitch tag : [link]

**The Avengers @theavengers**

It's Captain America (both of them) getting their butts kicked! [link]

**Former Captain America @SteveRogers**

NO!

**Captain America @samwilson**

NO!

* * *

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

NYOOOOOOM speed 😂😂😂😂😂 

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

'Cap-captain,' what even is Peter- 

**starknews @starknews**

UNDEROOS!

**Spidey Defence Squad @sds**

one sec-

**Underoos Defence Squad @sds**

done

**i smell a RAT @ratatatatat**

im laughing so hard

* * *

**micelle @michellejones**

'YOU HAVE A METAL ARM?!?!??! tHAT IS SO COOL!!!1!1!!!

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

the funniest thing is that u can see bucky freezing like 'he caUGHT MY ARM?!?!?!'

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

and then one second later he's like 'a tweLVE YEAR OLD CAUGHT MY ARM?!?!?!'

**iamnumberfour @tobias**

'you couldnt have done that earlier?' 'i hate you.' THEIR WHOLE DYNAMIC SENDS ME- 😂😂😂😂

**forrealtho @ughwat**

@theavengers we demand a sambucky show now.

**roar roar @pxeterprkr**

sambucky: 'the worlds angriest duckling and sassy guy with wings'

**Captain America @samwilson**

You'll get your show as soon as me and peter parker have round two! #beatthatlilhoe #squareupparker

**🌻 Winter Soldier 🌻 @jamesbarnes**

HELL YES THE TWELVE YEAR OLD WONT CATCH ME OFF GUARD NEXT TIME #squareupparker

**don't clap your hands @happyhogan**

standby-

**The Avengers @theavengers**

WHY did I just hear the sound of two bodies hitting the ground? I assume it isn't a problem, because Hogan is laughing?

**New York City AKA Spidey (and Ned) Stan State @NYC**

Well, he did say 'youll learn why Boss hired me'...

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

😂😂😂

* * *

**BBC News @bbcnews**

BREAKING: Live from the courtroom, the Avengers testify to Peter's role in Thanos defeat: [link]

**French Post @frenchpost**

#peterparkerisinnocent Peter, we're so sorry.. [link]

**Uplifting News @goodnewspeople**

THE TIDE TURNS IN OUR FAVOUR! EDITH, KAREN, AND FRIDAY (all AIs) release suit videos to the public! [link][link][link]

**waka waka waka @takatakataka**

#peterparkerisinnocent

**micelle @michellejones**

#peterparkerisinnocent

**take a seat @twdfan**

#peterparkerisinnocent


	20. KAREN

**KAREN @karen**

for everyone asking for the 'activate instant kill mode' moment: [link] #karensvideo

* * *

**choo choo @islandrail**

TRAINING WHEELS LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO #peterisbabyconfirmed #karensvideo

**Subway New York @subwaynewyork**

this bring us happiness!

**rip to tony stark, f*** mysterio @starkstan**

how is it that tony stark continues to be iconic from beyond the grave??? #karensvideo

**director of cats @agentmew**

thats just his power girl

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

OMGGGG I REMEMBER TELLING PETER ABOUT THAT LOLOLOL #karensvideo

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

it went something like this:

training wheels protocol: exists

peter: 

**micelle @michellejones**

AHAHAHAHAHAH oh god i wish id told u guys earlier that i figured it out.

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

peter: mr stark treats me like a kid. do i look like a kid???

also peter: *bouncing on the mattress wearing pjs*

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

ned, in that moment, trying not to destroy peter and all his dreams:

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

tbh thats me all the damn time-

* * *

**Billie Eilish @billieilish**

'he's a baaaad guy' #karensvideo #peterparkerisinnocent

**Underoos Defence Squad @sds**

tbh it was more 'he's a bad guy 😊😊😊'

**forrealtho @ughwat**

he was so proud of that my heart ❤️❤️❤️ #peterparkerisinnocent

**smol polls @smolpolls**

dont even need a poll, peter is smol confirmed

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

if thats how he describes a man selling illegal weapons whats our boi gonna say about really evil people??

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

'really REALLY bad guys' and then, inevitably, (ง'̀-'́)ง

* * *

**EDITH @edith**

the smugness in your voice, you knew exactly what 'enhanced combat mode' was sweetie. #karensvideo #peterparkerisinnocent

**KAREN @karen**

did i honey? prove it. #karensvideo #peterparkerisinnocent

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

yay! the girls are being nice to each other!

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

no they're not

**overthemoon @cindyella**

no they're not

**micelle @michellejones**

no they're not

**forrealtho @ughwat**

girls: call each other sweetie and honey

ned: :)

other girls: TAKE COVER

ned: 

**uwu power! @shurejan**

ned is every man on earth, all the damn time.

**micelle @michellejones**

even in wakanda??

**uwu power! @shurejan**

especially in wakanda. i mean, that's t'challas exact expression most of the time.

**King T'Challa @kingofwakanda**

You try dealing with the council for once, I tell you now, sister.

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

peter and ned being baby, karen/edith being fake nice, tony stark still being fucking funny and shuri roasting everyone including a king. we have reached peak 2023 guys

**forrealtho @ughwat**

everyone go home, the rest of the internet is cancelled


	21. Roasting Flash pt.3

**iamnumberfour @tobias**

flash seconds after identity reveal: i hate u... but i love u.. but i hate u.

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

is it just,,, midtown culture to roast flash

**Midtown Tech @midtowntech**

It's Midtown culture to roast Flash's obsession with Peter.

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

flash with spider-man: ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

flash with peter: sup dickwad

**iamnumberfour @tobias**

flash, internally about peter: ❤️❤️❤️❤️

**micelle @michellejones**

lmao tru. i still need to ask peter about poly stuff

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

we all? slept? in? his bunkbed?

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

once again i am the third (fourth?) wheel.

**forrealtho @ughwat**

🤣🤣🤣🤣 my boi ned 🤣🤣🤣🤣

* * *

**overthemoon @cindyella**

flash before identity reveal: i DO NOT like parker!

also flash: *slaps his ass at every chance*

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

peter: *is literally spider-man with enhanced senses*

also peter: *screams every time flash slaps his ass*

**Hi Betty @jacobonthecorn**

u know, when peter gets online and sees everyone spilling his secrets and making memes we're all gonna die

**micelle @michellejones**

no, peter's just gonna make this face: 

**micelle @michellejones**

and we're all gonna feel bad

**New York City AKA Spidey (and Ned) Stan State @NYC**

why was he like that anyway

**micelle @michellejones**

he brought SPARK-R to school and ned said he couldn't go inside the lego death star.

**New York City AKA Spidey (and Ned) Stan State @NYC**

🤣🤣

* * *

**overthemoon @cindyella**

flash, that one time: i would let spider-man RAW ME

peter's face:

**micelle @michellejones**

how,,, interesting,,,

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

its a bit too early in the relationship isnt it

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

b-blease,,, stop talking about this on the internet,,, otherwise i have no escape,,,,

**opa! @greecerules**

poor ned 😂😂😂

* * *

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

oh god @michellejones HALP

**micelle @michellejones**

@sds @nypd @NYC @StarkIndustries WHATS UP?!?!!?!

**Underoos Defence Squad @sds**

ready

**New York Police Department @nypd**

ready!

**Stark Industries @StarkIndustries**

ready!

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

no not like that? do ya think if there was an actual emergency i would go on twitter?!

**micelle @michellejones**

ur right. mysterio wuld tho

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

lol tru

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

now help. peter is showing flash his abs and ITS TOO WEIRD I DONT WANNA SEE FLASH MAKE GOO GOO EYES AT HIM

**waka waka waka @takatakataka**

can u blame a man

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

lmao

**iamnumberfour @tobias**

he finally got his dream,,, to touch them abs, mmmmMMMMMM

**micelle @michellejones**

toby what the fuck are you on

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

i'll have ten shots of whatever hes having

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

🤣🤣🤣🤣


	22. Acquitted!

**starknews @starknews**

PETER PARKER ACQUITTED! [link]

**BBC News @bbcnews**

Thousands take to the street in the state of New York to celebrate, Peter Parker amongst them: [link]

**National Italy @nationalitaly**

The trial of the century comes to an end: #peterparkerisinnocent [link]

**New York City AKA Spidey (And Ned) Stan State @NYC**

PART-TAY TIME EVERYONE! THE MAYOR CALLS FOR FESTIVITIES! SPIDER-MAN TO BE GIVEN THE KEY TO NYC!

**spider-mam @spidermam**

the key? bitch he already has our hearts!!!!

* * *

**French Post @frenchpost**

As hundreds celebrate, the prosecution goes to the Appeal Courts: [link]

**Peter Parkers Good Deeds @gooddeeds**

The fight's not over yet! Mayor orders borders to remain shut while the prosecution appeals: [link]

**starknews @starknews**

US Government refuses to withdraw in light of prosecution's actions: [link]

**The Avengers @theavengers**

We will be decreasing our border time as we are have been called by the UN in a peacekeeping effort in the Middle East. @sds @NYC stay vigilant, we will be back.

* * *

**number one spider-stan @mayparker**

Hello NY! It's me, May Parker, Peter's aunt!

**boy what @boywhatnow**

damn she hot as fuck what a milf

**micelle @michellejones**

literally fuck off??? 

**starknews @starknews**

this guy again?

* * *

**number one spider-stan @mayparker**

My baby will be back on Twitter soon, but not yet. While the prosecution is causing drama, it will not happen.

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

hey ms parker! great to see you online again!

**number one spider-stan @mayparker**

im glad to see you haven't been using my handle while I've been gone, ned!

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

so THATS who took this handle! twitter kept saying 'this has already been taken' when i tried to do it!

**iamnumberfour @tobias**

how were the abs, flash?

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

calm down u thirsty fuck

**Hi Betty @jacobonthecorn**

was that for toby, flash, or ned?

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

yes

* * *

**uwu power! @shurejan**

@blackexcellence @blackpower see, i am never wrong.

**number one spider-stan @mayparker**

Princess, thank you very much for your help! If you're ever in the country I am sure Peter would love to give you the true American experience!

**uwu power! @shurejan**

thank you ms parker! #wakandaswhiteboys

**micelle @michellejones**

white boys we (minorities) can trust:

1\. peter parker

2\. bucky barnes

3\. everet ross

4\. mr harrington

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

5\. tony stark (RIP)

**warmachinerox @jamesrhodes**

6\. matt Murdock 

7\. foggy nelson

**Captain America @samwilson**

white boys imma beat the shit out of:

1\. peter parker

2\. bucky barnes

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

rip sam wilson

**forrealtho @ughwat**

who will be the next captain America?

**The Avengers @theavengers**

sometimes we can still hear his voice...

**Captain America @samwilson**

fuck y'all!!!!


	23. "It is I, Thor, son of Odin!"

**KAREN @karen**

[link] Peter messing around, for those who seemed to be convinced that he is #theliteraldevil . #karensvideopart2

* * *

**FRIDAY @friday**

I remember Boss-Man watching these and laughing his head off... It was one of the only things that brought him joy after the Avengers left him. That, and Peter's long voicemails. #karensvideopart2

**don't clap your hands @happyhogan**

ah yeah, I forwarded them all to Tony whenever he was having a bad day... #karensvideopart2

**Pepper Potts, CEO of Stark Industries @PepperPotts**

❤️

* * *

**satan is me @meissatan**

'you record everything? EVERYTHING?' 'its called the baby monitor protocol.' '.... of course it is.' 😂 #karensvideopart2

**May Parker @mayparker**

Peter, today: I AM THE NIGHT. THE DARKNESS. THE UNENDING TERROR. FEAR ME.

Peter, ten seconds later: SPARK-R, meet Gwen-Stacy Parker, your sister! :D 

**May Parker @mayparker**

Now he's doing stupid voices and pretending they're talking to each other. 

**May Parker @mayparker**

They just got into a fight and Peter is attempting to mediate.

**New York City AKA Spidey (and Ned) Stan State @NYC**

literally babey 😂 😂 😂

* * *

**Liz Toomes @liztoomes**

'whats up liz? Peter told me a lot about you...' - very cute. #karensvideopart2

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

... liz? hey, what's up? 

**Liz Toomes @liztoomes**

I haven't had much reason to smile since... well, you know... but this genuinely made me laugh. I'm a bit old for all of you now, but I would love to get back in touch? 

**May Parker @mayparker**

Of course, I'll tell Peter. After he's finished punishing SPARK-R for hurting Gwen-Stacy. It's like a soap opera in here.

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

and he STILL wonders why the 'baby monitor protocol' and 'training wheels' exists...

* * *

**KAREN @karen**

#noregrets I stand by what I said, his impressions are very funny.

**EDITH @edith**

You're funny too!

**KAREN @karen**

Was that a compliment?

**EDITH @edith**

I... Think so?

**KAREN @karen**

I can feel your surprise on my servers...

**EDITH @edith**

Get out of my data stream!

**KAREN @karen**

Are you sure?

* * *

**waka waka waka @takatakataka**

where did they go?

**FRIDAY @friday**

you don't want to know.

**boss-man @manbosspersonpeople**

oh. OH.

**Conspiracy Threads @guessmaster**

I... preferred it when they were fighting.


	24. Delmar's

**KAREN @karen**

We stan Mr. Delmar: [link] #bestsandwichesinqueens #karensvideopt3

* * *

**Hi Peter I am well @anadelmarket**

as mr. Delmar's daughter I would like to thank Peter for saving my father. what a cutie :) #karensvideopt3

**iron man Stan @iamironstan**

'woah, you're the avengers!!!1!1!!'

**The Avengers @theavengers**

Actually, we haven't formally met Peter yet, so that's going onto our to-do list!

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

I'M TELLING PETER

**The Avengers @theavengers**

You can come too, Ned! And Flash! And MJ!

* * *

**micelle @michellejones**

why did Ned Leeds just run past my class screaming 'GOD IS REAL' while Peter walks on the ceiling behind him, holding a passed-out Flash?

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

😂😂😂

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

NED HAS ASTHMA @911

**911 @911**

We're coming, eta 2 minutes.

* * *

**who's Morales? @notthatdumb**

look at this dumbass pose - 

**Pepper Potts, Personal Account @PPottsPersonal**

He's more and more like Tony everyday...

**aesthetic @aestheticshots**

this is my new aesthetic

**vibin @shakethatass**

this is literally gen z summed up in one photo.

**micelle @michellejones**

imminent threat of death: check

capitalism is bad: check

not giving a fuck: check

yup, it passes the test.

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

**iron (?) man @notactuallyiron**

shit I blinked can we do it again?

* * *

**all the single ladies @imalesbian**

im starting - to think - youre not - the avengers! 

**apples and bananas @fruitman**

real kung fu panda vibes #karensvideopt3

**waka waka waka @takatakataka**

OMG WHEN HE'S BOUNCING DOWN THE STAIRS AHAHAH

* * *

**forrealtho @ughwat**

im in delmars (because Peter comes here obv) and -

**forrealtho @ughwat**

'smoosh it down real flat plz' 👶👶👶

**rake it over @bladinghead**

disgusting, but we love him anyway.

* * *

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

@midtowntech Peter's in the bathroom after eating 10 Delmar sandwiches, we gonna be late

**iamnumberfour @tobias**

🌚🌚🌚

**how u doing @yallaredumb**

how many times is Tobias gonna die this year...

**nanananananna @batman**

too many to count.


	25. Sneaky Boi (Ned finds out)

**KAREN @karen**

look at this little idiot I call my son - [link] #guyinthechair #karensvideopt4

* * *

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

Peter: *sneak*

Ned:

**iamnumberfour @tobias**

Peter: *sneak*

Ned:

**unless... @hahajk**

Peter on thinking he has completed *sneak* successfully, seeing Ned:

**The UN @UN**

OK... in hindsight, these are pretty funny.

**No Banana! @nobanana**

Now it make sense. Stupid banana boy!

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

BANANA LADY RESPOND TO MY DMS

**rip @didntmakeitlmao**

what the fuck is going on with you two...

* * *

**LGBT Society of USA @LGBTUSA**

We would personally like to commend May Parker (@mayparker) for seeing her nephew in nothing but his boxers, while his friend sits on his bed, mouth open...

**LGBT Society of USA @LGBTUSA**

And saying absolutely nothing except "do you want food?" 😂😂😂

**stan @account**

stan May Parker

**beeb boop @iamrobot**

may parker is the one true heterosexual ally

**🌻 Winter Soldier 🌻 @jamesbarnes**

**🌻 Winter Soldier 🌻 @jamesbarnes**

and I have gun >:(

**Captain America @samwilson**

bitch u straight?!

**🌻 Winter Soldier 🌻 @jamesbarnes**

Yes? Did u think I was gay?

**Captain America @samwilson**

I thought being sad and gay was your thing... so I didn't wanna kill your vibe

**🌻 Winter Soldier 🌻 @jamesbarnes**

...

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

legendary twitter exchange 😂😂😂


	26. y to honk

**BBC News @bbcnews**

Mysterio case re-opened: [link] #mysterio #caseofthecentury #peterparker

**The Daily Bugle @dailybugle**

IT'S NOT OVER YET! [link]

**Harry Potter fan @imawhatnow**

who are u, Fanon Lucius Malfoy?

**Starkid @starkid**

**uwu power! @shurejan**

oh please they're more like

**agnostic bout everything @pleasesendhelp**

@911 I'd like to report a murder

**911 @911**

Sure, please DM us

**911 @911**

wait-

* * *

**Matt Murdock @mattmurdock**

Excuse me, @UN, you have not sent us a witness list.

**The United Nations @UN**

We will be sending it shortly, Mr. Murdock.

**Matt Murdock @mattmurdock**

I see you have not included Joe on this list.

**Foggy Nelson @foggynelson**

UN, NOOOOOO

**The United Nations @UN**

Joe who?

**Matt Murdock @mattmurdock**

* * *

**Stark Industries @StarkIndustries**

The UN has not responded to any of our emails since @mattmurdock roasted them. Thus, it is logical to conclude they are dead.

**#peterparkerisinnocent @catlifeman**

I cannot believe that matt killed the entire un.

**micelle @michellejones**

press f to pay respects

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

press y to honk

**Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers**

y

**way to go charles @chaaarlie19**

y

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

y

**overthemoon @cindyella**

y

**Hi Betty @jacobonthecorn**

y

**iamnumberfour @tobias**

y


	27. Getting DRAGGED

**KAREN @karen**

It was scary at the time but looking back... [link] #karensvideopt5

* * *

**garaoohlala @badromance**

**who's Morales? @notthatdumb**

this reads like the blurry image meme...

**Underoos Defence Squad @sds**

**who's Morales? @notthatdumb**

NO-

**New York AKA Spidey (and Ned) Stan State @NYC**

**who's Morales? @notthatdumb**

I THOUGHT U LOVED HIM-

**starknews @starknews**

**Pepper Potts, Personal Account @PPottsPersonal**

THIS IS NOT AN AUTHORIZED USE OF TONY'S PICTURE-

**Nelson & Murdock @nelsonandmurdock**

**Foggy Nelson @foggynelson**

MATT DON'T POST MEMES ON THE OFFICIAL ACCOUNT, OUR CITY CLIENTS SEE THIS

**Matt Murdock @mattmurdock**

what city clients? A teenager hired me to sue a shop for not giving him his Doritos after he paid for them.

**Foggy Nelson @foggynelson**

did you get any money?

**Matt Murdock @mattmurdock**

I got doritos

**Foggy Nelson @foggynelson**

STOP ACCEPTING FOOD AS PAYMENT MATT

**Karen Page @karenpage**

where are the Doritos? I have a dip!

**Foggy Nelson @foggynelson**

KAREN DON'T ENCOURAGE IT

**Matt Murdock @mattmurdock**

they're at my house. my house is overflowing with Doritos. I lost elektra to the sizzling prawn a moment ago. I fear I may never see her again.

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

sjsjskskkskskskskskss-

**Foggy Nelson @foggynelson**

Matt...

**Matt Murdock @mattmurdock**

its day three. everywhere I step there is a cronch. I found the punisher using extra spicy flavour to torture a man. sned help

* * *

**i just boiled some gatorade @coffefve**

matt is me

**pocky game @ringringding**

foggy is me

**rip @didntmakeitlmao**

karen is me

**don't clap your hands @happyhogan**

are you sure these guys are legit?

**Pepper Potts, Personal Account @PPottsPersonal**

Yes, Tony trusted Matt, and now I see why...

**babyangel @pure**

see that could be a compliment or he's getting dragged... (through Doritos)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry its late. had lots of shit to do lol xx


	28. N Y O O M

**so many girls in here @wheredoibegin???**

GUYS OMG

**so many girls in here @wheredoibegin???**

im shrieking look at this

**so many girls in here @wheredoibegin???**

**im in love with judas @sorryjesus**

JESSICA WHAT IN THE NAME OF GOD -

**so many girls in here @wheredoibegin???**

I SAW SPIDEY AND I WAS TRYING TO TAKE A NICE PICTURE AND -

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

NYOOM speed

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

rt

* * *

**starknews @starknews**

send in your favourite 'nyoom speed' moments of our heroes!!!

**what what @canwegothriftshopping**

im beginning to understand why the daily bugle was so mad about other reporting stations all the time

**starknews @starknews**

NYOOM

**midsommar best time of year@florencep**

black widow doesn't go nyoom, everyone else does. evidence:

**waka waka waka @takatakataka**

**surprise bitch @betuthought**

**how will I know @youwontbitch**

see all of these have a sense of urgency and heroism but Spidey's gives me 'OH SHIT IM LATE' vibes

**micelle @michellejones**

Well he was late to the bus and we left him behind. get fucked Peter.

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

Peter just sent me this emoji: 🥺🥺🥺

**micelle @michellejones**

GET. FUCKED.

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

spider-man's girlfriend everyone.

**micelle @michellejones**

technically im also ur gf dumbass

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

🤯🤯🤯 😳😳😳 

**micelle @michellejones**

😒😒😒

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

😅😅😅

**micelle @michellejones**

🙄🙄🙄

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

😘😘😘

**micelle @michellejones**

✋🏽✋🏽✋🏽

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

😗😗😗

**micelle @michellejones**

😉😉😉

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

PHEW IM OFF THE HOOK

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

I hate that I understood that entire convo

**millennials??? in this economy?? @whatshallidestroytoday**

you're gen z u hate everything

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

lol true

* * *

**cap runs weird @hedoestrustme**

**r Rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink**

WHO JUST POSTED THIS WITH NO CONTEXT? ARE YOU IN WAKANDA? DID YOU TAKE THIS WHILE WE WERE FIGHTING F U C K I G N ALIENS? WHY IS BLACK PANTHER AND CAP RACING? WHY DOES CAP RUN LIKE THAT?!?!?!?!?

**r Rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink**

HELLO!?!?!?!?!? ANYONE?!?!?!?!?!


	29. Internet larbs May

**The Daily Bugle @dailybugle**

Read the opening statements about the appeal here: [link]

**lets get physical @couchpotato**

that has got to be the calmest article i have ever seen from the daily bugle

**Peter Parker's Good Deeds @gooddeeds**

It has a 3 minute video of Jonah J Jameson screaming 'SPIDER-MAN IS A MENACE!' on repeat?

**lets get physical @couchpotato**

exactly...

* * *

**Uplifting News @goodnewspeople**

we love a supportive mother-figure! #stanmayparker

**uwu power! @shurejan**

im the princess of wakanda and this woman has better skin than me!!! #stanmayparker

**Black Excellence @blackexcellence**

drop that skincare routine sis! #stanmayparker

**poppin numbers @droppingcash**

how she look like this and still look better than me?!?!?!? #stanmayparker

* * *

**number one spider-stan @mayparker**

aw, thank you to everyone in the #stanmayparker tag! Peter asked me to put this photo out there! He took this one of me:

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

😳

**yah man! @whatupbro**

😳

**Beauty Insider @InsiderMagazine**

😳

**Vogue @Vogue**

😳

* * *

**micelle @michellejones**

peter: *tells may to drop a hot photo on the internet*

may: *gets attention*

peter:

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

also peter: (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

also peter: "i think he larbs you"

**number one spider-stan @mayparker**

he is my baby after all, so i'm not surprised! he just wants me to be safe :)

**hello @itsmen**

that is actually the cutest!


	30. they gon die!!!

**KAREN @karen**

[link] #karensvideopt5 #washingtonmonument 

**EDITH @edith**

🙃 @dcpd I will use you as drone practice 🙃

* * *

**New York City AKA Spidey Stan State @NYC**

@dcpd PULL. UP.

**Washington DC Police Department @dcpd**

No comment.

**Stark Industries @StarkIndustries**

PULL UP WASHINGTON WE GOT BEEF!

**Spidey Defence Squad @sds**

EXPLAIN OR DIE.

**Washington DC Police Department @dcpd**

No comment.

* * *

**warmachinerox @jamesrhodes**

Explain this or throw hands. Now.

**Washington DC Police Department @dcpd**

He was on the monument, Colonel.

**warmachinerox @jamesrhodes**

You were just going to shoot him? In a tourist area? With knowledge that the monument was unstable and that any disturbance could be fatal? 

**warmachinerox @jamesrhodes**

DM me your superior's number, right now.

**uwu power! @shurejan**

* * *

**Black Excellence @blackexcellence**

I do not want to be Washington rn

**Pepper Potts, Personal Account @PPottsPersonal**

You think I was protective of Tony? You haven't even seen Rhodes.

**Pepper Potts, Personal Account @PPottsPersonal**

He's on bereavement leave from the military as well. He will protect who Tony died for.

**starknews @starknews**

I'm sorry WHAT

* * *

**forrealtho @ughwat**

r u telling me,,, im alive,,,, because tony stark,,,, loved this kid,,, and wanted him back,,,,

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

damn no wonder the starks and avengers are so protective of petey

**bruh @textdontcall**

look, sometimes family is you, your ceo, your driver, a colonel, and a spider-kid from queens

**we're connected @potatogunboi**

and the guy who shot a potato at you

**Pepper Potts, Personal Account @PPottsPersonal**

yes, don't forget him

**bruh @textdontcall**

im sorry whomst the fuck is this-

* * *

**Washington News @washingtonnews**

PD under investigation following #karensvideopt5: [link]

**EDITH @edith**

#good 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

**KAREN @karen**

babe calm down

**oo ee aa aa @chingchangwallawallabingbang**

* * *

**Buzzfeed News @buzzfeednews**

Tony Stark is dead but the internet is still screaming: [link]

**mega wallop @icecream**

don't act like we didn't scream louder when he was alive.


	31. Peter gon die???

**KAREN @karen**

Here's the rest of it BTW: [link] #karensvideopt6

* * *

**yall see that??? @pxterpxrker**

**get low low low @getlolololol**

😱😱😱

**number one spider-stan @mayparker**

I am giving spider-baby hugs, standby-

**Stark Industries @StarkIndustries**

We need to teach KAREN how to get in touch with Washington

**Underoos Defence Squad @sds**

we're sending her a course on chain of command right now

* * *

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

sorry for jumping up and down... 😅😅😅

**micelle @michellejones**

of COURSE you made it worse... 'im watching porn'

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

SHUT UP

**No Banana! @nobanana**

stupid banana boy friend!

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

BANANA LADY PLEASE RESPOND!

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

what is going on!?!??!?!

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

well if flash doesn't know we wont either,,,

**Midtown Tech @midtowntech**

To be fair, Flash misses a lot of things.

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

MORITA-

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

why do i go here

* * *

**EDITH @edith**

'kiss her...' 🤣 Peter is really taking advice from an AI that's been online for less than a week?

**KAREN @karen**

🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️

**KAREN @karen**

Neither of us knew anything...

**EDITH @edith**

And now look at us 💞💞💞

**what are you gonna do @hairadvert**

me in the corner, seeing this: coolcoolcoolcool-

* * *

**Liz Toomes @liztoomes**

god, we were all so stupid... didn't i spend five minutes raging at Peter for not being at decathlon?

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

yeah and peter was yelling 'THERES A BOMB IN THE BAG!' at me 

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

i do remember security pointing it out...

**Liz Toomes @liztoomes**

wow we were stupid...

**Liz Toomes @liztoomes**

in other news im with peter and he's cringing... 😂 😂 😂

**forrealtho @ughwat**

aw babey 

**boss-man @manbosspersonpeople**

lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry I didn't post last week, we had a coronavirus scare at home and it wasn't on my list of priorities. Remember to social distance. Sending all of you my love.


	32. Hi Bye, Mr Criminal!

**who's Morales? @notthatdumb**

@karen @edith did spidey,,, really meet,,, my uncle,,, @mrcriminal

**KAREN @karen**

Oh! 😀 Mr Criminal! Hello!

**who's Davies? @mrcriminal**

Hi, Karen... Say hello to the dumbass for me.

**KAREN @karen**

I will!

**EDITH @edith**

EXCUSE ME?!?!?!? DUMBASS?!?!?

**KAREN @karen**

no, check ur DMs!

* * *

**New York Police Department @nypd**

Aaron, we know that's you.

**who's Davies? @mrcriminal**

who????

**New York Police Department @nypd**

why would you respond to that name if it wasn't you?

**who's Davies? @mrcriminal**

damn y'all got me there

**who's Morales? @notthatdumb**

uncle Aaron oh my days 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️

* * *

**opa! @greecerules**

wait I want to know this story???

**Maria saw justice league @maaria001**

yes @notthatdumb and @mrcriminal pls enlighten us

**who's Davies? @mrcriminal**

I helped him and he melted my ice cream and made me late for meeting miles.

**kayla hayla @haylakayla**

how did he do that? LASER EYES? ABOMINATION!!!!

**The Daily Bugle @DailyBugle**

Spider-Man or EVIL ROBOT MENACE?!?!?!? [link]

**stan @account**

ik these are rude comments but it lowkey reads like a shit post

**who's Morales? @notthatdumb**

lasers? in my eyes? its more likely than you think.

**overthemoon @cindyella**

I also love how the bugle's article implies he isn't evil usually, but only as a robot menace??

**way to go charles @chaaarlie19**

girl who knows what's going on with them

* * *

**who's Morales? @notthatdumb**

u know uncle Aaron runs the @nycgangbangers acc so he was responsible for the whole 'photos taken before disaster' thing

**captain @deadpool**

that was in chapter 8 for all readers lol

**who's Morales? @notthatdumb**

who're u?

**who's Davies? @mrcriminal**

DONT TALK TO HIM MILES!

* * *

**Gang Gang Gang @nycgangbangers**

yeah it's Aaron. im fresh outta prison, going straight. just wanna say bye to all my homies ❤️❤️❤️

**forrealtho @ughwat**

going straight?

**Gang Gang Gang @nycgangbangers**

look bruh there's 12 year olds pretending to be girls in spider masks and weapons that send you to another dimension. everything gotta be dramatic nowadays.

**Gang Gang Gang @nycgangbangers**

imma head out. 

**Gang Shit @cantcatchus**

we gonna miss u Aaron ❤️❤️

**voted best gang 2023!!! thank u New York!! @gangfam**

we love you Aaron ❤️

**Gang means family @ohanagang**

we never stop loving you man ❤️

* * *

**micelle @michellejones**

I cannot believe the most non-toxic interaction between black men was through GANGS.

**New York Police Department @nypd**

no one wants to talk about the gang awards they have? no? ok.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quarantines been extended 3 weeks in the uk so updates will be slower as I catch up on coursework. stay safe, social distance and lets get this over with.


	33. what did you just say? ft. irondad

**KAREN @karen**

this baby idiot and his #irondad : [link] #karensvideopt7

* * *

**Stark Industries @StarkIndustries**

boss: lmao look at that idiot on the donut ship

baby boss, on the donut ship: 0.0

boss: *turns himself into a rocket and launches into the sky* THATS MY IDIOT!!!!

**everybody get down @discotime**

I was in the park that day and I heard him screaming from stress

**make me bro @fightme**

give Tony Stark a break challenge

**everybody get down @discotime**

he's having a nap under the ground

**make me bro @fightme**

too soon...

* * *

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

HOW DID WE NOT SEE THIS?!?!?!?

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

because of my powers of distraction, flash #futureblackwidow

**iamnumberfour @tobias**

HOW DID WE NOT SEE IT THOUGH? HOW DID THE OTHER CARS NOT SEE IT? THE POLICE? THE PEOPLE MONITORING THE CCTV?

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

I am: offended

* * *

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

there was so much irondad in this!!!!

**forrealtho @uhgwat**

Tony: I don't wanna hear it.

Peter: *talking*

Tony: now I gotta hear it!

**gay keyboard smash @moveimgay**

Spidey: This suit is ridiculously intuitive by the way, so if anything it's kind of your fault that I'm here. 

Iron Man: >:/ What did you just say?

Spidey: 0.0 I take that back.

**le awesome @veryfrench**

Peter: *talks back*

Tony: "So you have chosen death"

**Former Captain America @SteveRogers**

Back in my day that would have got you a whooping.

**Captain America @samwilson**

I still get whoopings for talking back to my ma.

**warmachinerox @jamesrhodes**

same.

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

im wheEZING-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late chapter, my end-of-year assessments are being released and im focusing on them.
> 
> stay safe everyone. if you need to vent, please comment, I will make time for you. xx


	34. irondad + babey

**irondad for the win!!! @ironstan**

im probably gonna get obliterated by #pepperony Stans for this but -

**irondad for the win!!! @ironstan**

#flyingdonutfam

**The Avengers @theavengers**

Does Tony bicker with every attractive male in the vicinity like they've been married for 10 years?

**SHIELD agent @shieldagent**

maybe I shouldn't but I will drop this here:

**SHIELD agent @shieldagent**

this is a screengrab from their first meeting lol

**nirvana @ohyouHIGHhighbro**

"boi if u dont move ur hand"

**Pepper Potts, Personal Account @PPottsPersonal**

oh god, Tony...

**opa! @greecerules**

😂😂😂😂 this has me DEAD-

* * *

**gay keyboard smash @ovxerlxnd**

you can just see that dr strange wanted to say 'son' but thought better of it

**#peterparkerisinnocent @pxtrpxrkxr**

WHY DID PETER DENY IT INSTANTLY THO :(

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

@mayparker u better tell Peter that he is LOVED and that mr stark THOUGHT OF HIM LIKE A SON.

**number one spider-star @mayparker**

I give him cuddles everyday and he loves it :) and he actually got a letter from Stark and some of his will so he definitely knows how Stark felt about him.

**Pepper Potts, Personal Account @PPottsPersonal**

I will confirm that Tony thought of Peter like a son. He kept a picture of the kid on our shelf.

**ray-bans @sunglassesemoji**

daw! that's so cute and sad 🥺

* * *

**classics critic @filmcritic**

ok but aliens is not old????

**what's up New York!!! @NYfan**

to a 16 year old it is

**classics critic @filmcritic**

wait WHAT

**what's up New York!!! @NYfan**

Peter was 16 when he fought Thanos??? is this not... common knowledge

**classics critic @filmcritic**

fnepqifnhrginfgdjkgndjkahqhuirgnhregnfehvjdknacd

**what's up New York!!! @NYfan**

to everyone @ ing me in the comments: YEAH I KNOW IT'S YOUNG BUT HE WENT UP THERE WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?!?!?

**The Avengers @theavengers**

this is why Tony wanted to send him home...

**Captain America @samwilson**

Aliens is not old!

**The Avengers @theavengers**

That's what you're focusing on?

**guilds and stuff @wizardsandphones**

sort out your priorities america

**guilds and stuff @wizardsandphones**

omg suddenly I understand how the europeans feel

**Europe Official @europeofficial**

THANK YOU!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone, check in with me. All of you OK? staying safe?


	35. comedians on titan

**KAREN @karen**

'we're the avengers, man!!!!' : [link]

**EDITH @edith**

He's so excited it's adorbs, I love it!

**KAREN @karen**

did... did you just use slang?

**EDITH @edith**

I'm trying to adopt some human mannerisms. Apparently constant drone strikes aren't exactly a good reaction to everything. 🙄

* * *

**forrealtho @ughwat**

Peter: *pop culture reference*

Dr Strange: *is saved*

**forrealtho @ughwat**

Peter: *pop culture reference*

ship: *crashes*

**forrealtho @ughwat**

Peter: *pop culture reference*

aliens: ?????

**forrealtho @ughwat**

Peter: *pop culture reference*

Tony: I don't want to hear it!

**r Rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink**

please it was more like 'I do not want anotherpopculturereferenceouttayoufortherestofthistripyouhearme?'

**hello @itsme**

LIKE THEY WENT TO WALMART OR SOMETHING AND NOT SPACE SKSKSKS-

* * *

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

this sums them up so well:

**micelle @michellejones**

its like a fucking comedy

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

Peter: *no idea what's going on*

Stark: 208473% done with your bullshit

**micelle @michellejones**

and Strange is just floating and spazzing in the background

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

how did I not see that

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

omg I understand how I didn't know Peter was Spider-Man

**micelle @michellejones**

well done Betty

* * *

**great for you @notsogreat**

'how many futures do we win?' 

'one.'

😳

**captain @deadpool**

he saw Endgame 14000605 times but SOME OF US couldn't even see it once without spoiling it!!

**great for you @notsogreat**

I'm sorry what?

**hey there @delilah**

'Endgame'... that's actually a pretty cool name for it.

**FRIDAY @friday**

I found this: [link]

**hey there @delilah**

HEY WHAT THE FUCK?!


	36. #tonystarkisright

**warmachinerox @jamesrhodes**

HE PREDICTED IT AND NO ONE DID ANYTHING?!?!?!?

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

@ us government and @ avengers: WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!

**The Avengers @theavengers**

we're investigating these claims now.

* * *

**classy bougie ratchet @savage**

sis... he been knew this happen

**iron man forever @ironstan**

this is why we Stan. my mans knew and none of y'all listened. even tho you call him THE SMARTEST MAN ON EARTH.

**uwu power! @shurejan**

I may possess intellect beyond Stark but he was a lot more emotionally intelligent. Which speaks a lot more for his character.

**Black Excellence @blackexcellence**

You're only a teen princess Shuri... no one's expecting you to predict the end of the world.

* * *

**don't clap your hands @happyhogan**

did any of you know about this?

**tell my hand @tellmyhand**

I hope not imma throw hands

**Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers**

I'm beginning to understand Fury's attitude change all of a sudden.

**The Avengers @theavengers**

Attitude change?

* * *

**overthemoon @cindyella**

so when he went up there... he knew he was going to die.

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

he didn't die???

**overthemoon @cindyella**

but he knew how it would END. that he would be sacrificing himself. I think when strange told him one future, he knew. subconsciously. but he still knew.

**forrealtho @ughwat**

I was alive during the dusted period and I can confirm stark seemed a bit... desperate??? idk. like he knew something was coming.

**iamnumberfour @tobias**

wait. so that doctor was playing the long game??? it took five years for this outcome??? sheesh talk about giving a man anxiety.

* * *

**Pepper Potts, Personal Account @PPottsPersonal**

I can say this: Tony did make a goodbye video for us all. He wrote a letter for Peter to read in event of his death. He also completely sorted his will before he went out to the base to join the mission. 

**Pepper Potts, Personal Account @PPottsPersonal**

Dr Strange also brought me to the final fight. I thought it was strange at first, but I guess he knew it was the last time I'd see Tony. 

**Pepper Potts, Personal Account @PPottsPersonal**

Tony knew what he was doing. He knew how it would end. I hate to see everyone imploding because of it.

**Pepper Potts, Personal Account @PPottsPersonal**

It's over. He's gone. It pains me so much. But it's over. And Peter still needs your help, everyone. #peterparkerisinnocent

**starknews @starknews**

If he could know this, then he definitely knew Peter is a hero. #peterparkerisinnocent #tonystarkisright

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

#peterparkerisinnocent #tonystarkisright

**micelle @michellejones**

#peterparkerisinnocent #tonystarkisright

**r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink**

#peterparkerisinnocent #tonystarkisright

**New York City AKA Spidey (and Ned) Stan State @NYC**

#peterparkerisinnocent #tonystarkisright


	37. DEADPOOL NO-

**BBC News @bbcnews**

Appeal goes to court: [link]

**French Post @frenchpost**

What's happening at #thetrialofpeterparker: [link]

* * *

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

OK but why is our spider-son on trial for the Germany shit

**789 @whysix**

because that's how justice works?!?!?!

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

but... my mans went there to protect Germany?

**micelle @michellejones**

we need a distraction or sumn

**captain @deadpool**

I'm going to commit a few murders in Germany to get the heat off our spider-boy!

**micelle @michellejones**

cool

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

NO!

* * *

**Official Germany @germany**

We currently have a warrant out on Deadpool, hired mercenary. If sighted, please dial the following number: xxx-xxx-xxx

**captain @deadpool**

mission accomplished!

**captain @deadpool**

also, I'm not just a 'hired mercenary'! I have morals, you know!

**Captain America @samwilson**

Those morals included attacking me and spending ten minutes staring at my ass to determine whether it was fit for America.

**captain @deadpool**

GOD BLESS THAT ASS

**Captain America @samwilson**

HELL NO

* * *

**The Avengers @theavengers**

Could someone please inform Deadpool that dropping the half-dead bodies of HYDRA moles and other villains on our roof is not an acceptable method of 'delivering justice'?

**captain @deadpool**

I'll fedex them to you! Who should I make it out to?

**captain @deadpool**

I'll just say Captain America.

**The Avengers @theavengers**

DEADPOOL NO!

* * *

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

hear me out... deadpool is winter soldier,,,, but make it k-pop.

**r Rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink**

why does this make perfect fucking sense?


	38. Accords

**National Post @nationalpost**

Appeal failed, but the accords are still in place: how does this affect Spider-Man?: [link]

**CNN @CNN**

The Accords: Should teenagers be allowed to carry out Avengers-level work?: [link]

**starknews @starknews**

Has our policing system failed us when we need teenagers to carry out justice on our streets?: [link]

* * *

**a break @iswhatineed**

ok but should Peter really be allowed to fight criminals

**a break @iswhatineed**

legally he's like 23 but biologically he's not even 18??? right???

**coolbeans @coolbeans**

he's been doing this since he was 15 tho

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

and he's spider-man?

**Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch**

I completely support spider-man but I agree. our justice system has failed us because we're relying on Peter - in high school - to protect us

**guyinthechair @nedleeds**

not even that, if we had better opportunities and stuff for everyone, wouldn't that solve the whole petty crimes thing?

**micelle @michellejones**

valid

* * *

**number one spider-stan @mayparker**

whether or not we change the system to be more fair, Peter will always be helping mrs gordido home from the store, or drunk girls home from parties. that's just how sweet my baby is 😍

**spider-wife @spiderwife**

I loved spider-man before it was cool

**iamnumberfour @tobias**

nah that was flash

**spider-wife @spiderwife**

I can't even argue?

**fastestmanalive @flashthompson**

one day where im not roasted. that's all I want

* * *

**Sky News @skynews**

LIVE FROM WASHINGTON: General Ross to make a statement about Peter Parker and his Avenger status: [link]


End file.
